I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
