never play flip cup with pint glasses
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
