I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
