All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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