I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
