I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
