I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
