if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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