Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
