Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
