Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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