True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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