next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
