I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
