You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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