Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
