Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
