This dress was meant to end up on your floor
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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