I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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