The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
