i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
