I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
