wanna go halves on a baby?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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