Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
