my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
