I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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