woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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