i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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