so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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