Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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