oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
