Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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