In the future we'll all be gay
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
should my penis look like a turkey
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Randomize