i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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