Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
