I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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