i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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