dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
two words: eviction party
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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