he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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