I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
