She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
