just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he puts the penis in happiness.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
