He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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