I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
