I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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