Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
