butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
