Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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