If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
