I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
