Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
