I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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