yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
